Looking around, I find myself in the same sort of situation I've always really felt myself in, tweaked to be a bit different. I close my eyes and smile, and exhale a breath, hoping that this difference could change everything. That this time I'll finally make it to the goal I've set for myself, even if I wasn't sure what that goal was by this point. I open my eyes, noticing the remnants of my breath, the cold pushing against my skin, insisting that I feel as uncomfortable as possible where I now am. I let my eyes start to close again, not sure whether I feel tired or just apathetic, but as I observe the world around me through vision blurred by my own eyelids, I keep smiling at the idea of what might be to come.
There are magnificent orbs that hang, suspended in the air, each one its very own world. Each one a manifestation crafted through time to be unique. I had often watched these orbs, marveling at their beauty, but sometimes appalled by their filth. Some of the orbs were less than spectacles, floating dimly in the darkness, cluttered on the inside with dirt, making it difficult to peer inside and see what was really going on.
Here I hung, suspended in the air with the orbs, moving from one to the other, peering inside of them to see what they had to offer. Often they were already inhabited by another individual, and unfortunately the orbs only cared to harbor one visitor at a time. Sometimes the visitor would proclaim their lifelong loyalty to the orb, and as if by magic it would blaze and glow spectacularly, and then as if the laws of nature finally took place, gravity would hurl it downwards, and the once magnificent orb would hurtle downwards, and eventually crash into the ground far below, shattering into a million sparkling shards. It was not a morose end; the dust would shimmer stunningly against light that seemed to radiate from the individual who had apparently perpetuated the crash in the first place, together they bonded, fused into one, and then slowly disappeared into a new world, never to be seen again.
Though, this process did not happen instantaneously. On many occasions an individual would be rejected from the orb, and never allowed to return. Sometimes they would come back later and somehow make it back into the orb, but rarely did these happenings last. Some were destroyed by the orbs, some didn't care, and only wanted to penetrate the orbs for their own selfish desires.
Here I hung in suspension, among the spectacles that shone in a place I could not identify. A place void of light, but given an eerie lambent glow which shone greater near various orbs. Like a moth, I made my way towards the brightest orbs, but so far as close as I had gotten, they seemed to slowly dim and fade away as soon as I became involved in the process.
Now I hung in suspension once again, staring relentlessly towards yet another sparkling and beautiful orb. Seemingly made of glass, the inside shimmered with a fantastic glow that seemed to radiate outward and outshine every orb that came near it. Without a true sense of movement, I felt myself strangely drawn to the orb, and so I sat outside, peering in at a world I wished I could be a part of. Unfortunately the story was the same, and the magnificent orb was occupied, which didn't surprise me one bit. There would have to be many who would jump at the opportunity to rest their soul within the confines of this particular sphere. Putting my hand to the glass I felt a warms, and could feel the radiance flowing within my self. For a moment everything felt okay, and as I exhaled another breath I realized there was nothing to see as I was bathed in warmth.
I sighed at the idea of being trapped in suspension, but wasn't yet ready to give up hope. I had too many times witnessed individuals thrown from the inside of the orb, sometimes confused, as if it happened so fast that they wondered how it was even possible. Sometimes they didn't care, as if they saw it coming the entire time, as if they knew they were simply wasting their own time inside the orb when they should have been content.
The majority of my time was spent outside any of the orbs, hung in endless suspension. There was another orb I had once found myself inside of, and I had enjoyed it for awhile, but eventually the perimeter began to darken as the walls went from transparent to opaque. I began to feel trapped within the orb as its radiance quickly turned into a dark aura that seemed to bind me within, and finally spit me back out into the void, where I was happy to stay. At least in the void I could enjoy the radiance of the other orbs and hope to one day find myself resting inside another.
I felt foolish now, as I hung outside the new orb, thinking and wondering about how it would be to finally make it. I felt as though my time had been wasted, and upon getting my hope I would simply not now what to do with such beautiful radiance. It was not a resignation to my quest, but a thought that worried me nonetheless. Still, when I reached out to make contact with the orb and felt the residual warmth spread throughout my body, I felt myself forgetting these worries.
So here I hang, in suspension, gathered around me are orbs that shine like stars in a void which has relentlessly grasped at me and attempted to tear me down. There are many orbs, but for now I wait for the day when maybe, just maybe I can find myself within the brightest of all the orbs I had witnessed thus far. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes, and as I exhaled I felt calm, and happy just to have the chance to witness such beauty.
